Call me Peter

Peter Gibbons:  I uh, I don't like my job, and, uh, I don't think I'm gonna go anymore.
Joanna: You're just not gonna go?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Joanna: Won't you get fired?
Peter Gibbons: I don't know, but I really don't like it, and, uh, I'm not gonna go.
        - Office Space

This is basically the conversation I've been having with myself for a while now. Every day I go to work, I realize all over again how done with it I am. I've been at the same job for 9 years. That's nearly one-third of my life doing the same thing. I have never had any enjoyment with this job, other than that brief joy of payday. But even that isn't enough to get me through the funk.

When I started here I was just out of college. I said "I'll work here until I get some experience and move on. This is not what I want to do with my life." After a couple years, that changed to "I'll work here until I get married, then I'll find something else". After that, "We're moving, I'll find something else when we figure out what town we'll be moving to". Then the job market tanked and ... well, here I am, still at the same desk, doing the same routine day after day. I can't stand a good portion of the job and although this is by no means a bad place to work, I just can't believe I've been stuck in this rut for so long.

I went to college to get in this field. Why? Because I worked at the campus bookstore during my first semester, Liberal Studies major, and started looking at books to see what would be the most interesting. I loved the books that went with this line of work, so I made that my major. Not the best way to decide your fate.

So, here I am, almost a decade older and still no closer to figuring out what I really want to do with my life. However, I don't know how much longer I can keep on keeping on. The commute, the routine, the tedious details, they're all adding up and I'm afraid I will snap soon. I have to do something, but what?

I'm hoping some idea will come to me in the next few months, and maybe, just maybe, I won't have to come back after maternity leave. ::fingers crossed::