Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Day 3-Your first love

My first love. How boring. It is and was M. I had been in a grand total of 3 relationships before him and I can't say I honestly loved any of them. It was a love at first sight thing, and tha's all she wrote. M and I "met" online on yahoo personnals. My friends told me to go on to see if I'd meet anyone. I told them all I'd done the online thing and was done with it. To appease them, and show them what loosers would contact me online, I chose the cheapest site and put up a very sarcastic profile. Lo and behold I get a message from M. He's pretty cute and seemed to get my humor. We chatted online for a week before exchanging numbers. He called me just after Christmas and our first phone call lasted 7 hours. It was only ended by me saying that I had to pee, so we needed to hang up. By then it was 2AM.

We set up our first date for just after New Years. He drove an hour to my place and picked me up. He was much cuter in person than in the picture he put on his profile. We went to dinner and he had planned on going to a movie after, but we ended up talking at the restaurant for hours. Before we knew it they were trying to close and we had to leave. We didn't want to end the night just yet, so against everything my mother ever told me, I invited him back to my place after the first date.

Back at my apartment we talked for another long time, watched Monty Python's Flying Circus and some other random late night shows. He didn't leave until 2PM the next day. I met his family two weeks later and within in a month my niece and nephew were calling him Uncle.

Sick day

Not all "firsts" are fun. This is just such a story. AJ and her cousin were playing all day yesterday. Then when I got home from work, I noticed neither of them looked quite right. I couldn't place it, and since AJ had just had shots the day before I figured she was just lethargic because of that. Then the cousin threw up, all over the bathroom. I think a drop or two may have actually hit the toilet, but the rest definitely didn't. As her father was picking that mess up, I looked at AJ and prayed she wouldn't experience her first real vomit just yet. I know there's a stomach bug going around, so there was difinitely a chance of it. While I'm worrying about stuff coming out the top, I hear that more stuff is actually coming out the bottom. Gross. I clean that mess up, and in the meantime, the cousin vomits again. Fabulous, at least she hit the toilet this time. My niece and brother-in-law leave hoping to make it back to their house before she erupts again. I try to get AJ to have some dinner, which she passes on. She doesn't want a sippy or mac & cheese. Yep, something is definitely not right. Then she crawls on the couch and lays down. All on her own. I know something's coming now.

I start to play on the computer, so she crawls on my lap to play too. Thar she blows! She was so scared, not knowing what was happening. I felt so useless, I hate that feeling. I get her in the tub, set Grammy up to clean her up while I take care of the living room and myself. AJ gets in her PJs, relaxes and is fine, until Grammy tries to give her back to me. She starts crying and, yep, here comes some more. Plus a fever to really top off the night.

Thankfully the eventful portion of our night was over by then. We both slept on the couch so I could keep an eye on her and now we're taking a sick day.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

15 Months

AJ had her 15 month appointment yesterday. She didn't gain much weight, but did grow another inch and a half in three months. I went to check her report printout and it measured her height in feet and inches. Seriously!? That caught me off guard. Babies are measured in inches, not feet. I guess I truly no longer have a baby on my hands.

AJ now realizes that bad things can happen at doctor's appointments. (In full disclosure though, she hadn't napped before the appointment, no matter how I tried to get her to, and fell asleep within seconds of getting in the car. After that long 5 minute drive to her appointment, she had to be woken out of sleep, so that doesn't make for a happy child.) She eyed everyone there like they were about to steal her favorite toy. She screamed during the body measuring, screamed through the weighing on the scale, screamed when the doctor tried to touch her at all, and had a complete meltdown when he attempted to remeasure her head size. After all of this, we then had to wait for AJ's three shots to be set up. Once again it took two nurses and myself to hold her down to get the shots in. The only funny part of the experience was AJ kept saying "Done" throughout the whole appointment. Now she gets to come back in another month to get the second flu shot. Should be interesting.

She is doing everything a 15 month old should be doing. She's still 90th in height 95th in head size and has now dropped to about 70th in weight. He wants to see an increase in weight by her next appointment. Oh, and he diagnosed her as having chronic constipation. I guess we'll be discussing poop frequency for many months to come.

Day 2

Meaning behind your blog name

Really. I hope I don't actually have to explain this.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Day 1

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts

Hi there. Let me introduce myself. I'm mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend. I'm the mother of AJ, the most wonderful girl in my world. I'm the wife of M, although I'm still not sure why he chose me to fulfil that role. I'm the sister of my brothers, whether they wanted me to be or not while growing up. I'm the daughter of my parents, and the best friend of my mother.
Ok. 15 interesting facts. I'm going to interpret "interesting" to mean random.
1. I can't bite into a peach. Something about the fuzz.
2. Proof that there is a God came when dark chocolate peanut M&Ms were created.
3. I only have 8.5 toe nails.
4. I almost died in Vegas while retrieving my left flip flop
5. I used to get paid to rumage through rich peoples' laundry
6. I have a huge crush on Masaharu Morimoto
7. My first car was a standard. I didn't learn to drive standard until I was on my third car.
8. I can quote a scary amount of lines from John Hughes movies
9. I really want to move back to my hometown and wish I lived in a lot of country songs
10. I think I was born in the wrong era.
11. I love Christmas movies of all kinds
12. I study the titanic for fun, and will never go on a cruise because of this
13. Tom Cruise, Garth Brooks and Matthew McConaughey make my skin crawl
14. I hate all MTV shows and lose respect for people who watch them.
15. I always wanted to be a forensic psychologist

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

30 Day Blog Challenge

I've seen this a few places now, and figured I'd give it a shot. I'm positive I won't finish in 30 days, but it will be a challenge just to finish before the year is out.

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts

Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name

Day 3-Your first love

Day 4-Your parents

Day 5-Your siblings

Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy

Day 7-Favorite movies

Day 8-A place you've traveled to

Day 9-A picture of your friends

Day 10-Something you're afraid of

Day 11-Favorite tv shows

Day 12-What you believe

Day 13-Goals

Day 14-A picture you love

Day 15-Bible verse

Day 16-Dream house

Day 17-Something you're looking forward to

Day 18-Something you regret

Day 19-Something you miss

Day 20-Nicknames

Day 21-Picture of yourself

Day 22-Favorite city

Day 23-Favorite vacation

Day 24-Something you've learned

Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs

Day 26-Picture of your family

Day 27-Pets

Day 28-Something that stresses you out

Day 29-3 Wishes

Day 30-a picture

Lucky No. 7?

And another one down, and another one down, and another one bites the dust. Cycle 7 of attempting to make AJ a big sister = FAIL

Do I get to complain? I don't think so. I should, and do, feel extremely blessed to have a healthy happy little girl. She's amazing, wonderful and the best part of my life right now. I feel greedy for being bummed when AF rears her ugly head. How can I feel entitled to another miracle? Who can I complain to? Most people have issues with conceiving their first and it's smooth sailing after that. They don't know how it feels to know everything did work, but it's not now. Then there are those who have struggled with conceiving. I have no right to speak with them as I do have a baby. I have no reason to complain.

But still, this morning, while getting all my supplies ready for a day at the office with the great Aunt visting, I wanted to cry. So, instead of crying, I yelled, at M, for nothing. It's not his fault, but still. He was there, so he got the attack. I forgot that it's not all about me. He wants another baby just as much as I do.

Now the question starts to creep in. Before, I could just say, well we didn't time it right, we weren't really planning, etc. Not anymore. We timed, planned, did every thing by the book. Nope. So, here's the question. Why? Why was it so easy the first time and so hard this time? Are we destined to be one and done? Is there some reason only fate knows why we shouldn't have a baby right now? or the one that's really getting to me... Did AJ break me? This is the one that makes me tear up. I keep thinking that if I'm now broken, it may have been due to something I could have done better while laboring. My cousin's daughter broke her. She was never able to carry a full term pregnancy again, and this thought terrifies me. If this is the case, we're done. I don't want to go through what she did with multiple miscarriages and one horrible premature delivery ending in her son's death.

I know I should just go to my doctor and have them check things out. Ease my fears. I can't bring myself to do it though. I'm not ready to face the possibility of having my worst fear confirmed.