Judgment

How is it that a soul, tormented in this life, unable to find strength enough to make it even one more day, is then subjected to an eternity of more judgment and pain?

The Catholic Church will not hold a service for a person who took his/her own life. They call it a sin to take the life God gave. That soul is not allowed to Heaven, and the family is doubly punished by not being able to grieve the loss, or celebrate the life, of the tourtured soul in their own house of worship. A person who believes their life is worthless is then validated in that assumption by the Church turning their back after the loss of strength. Thus making what the disturbed soul thought of their life come to fruition by the lack of respect, love and kindness so touted by the Church. How is this not a slap in the face to the family and soul of the departed?

How am I to believe that Jesus, so sheathed in love and kindness, turns his back on one suffering to the ultimate extent. A person was unable to seek the strength of faith, the strength to overcome the obsticles put in front of him, the strength to go on, and now, after death, I'm supposed to believe (thanks to the Catholic belief) that he shows up in front of Jesus and Jesus turns away? Does this poor soul not need more love, more kindness, more patience than others?

What about the family of the departed? The mother of the "condemned soul" is not allowed to go into her "faith family" and pay a final respect to her son? She is told her son is the ultimate sinner for taking his life. How does this show Jesus' love? Does she not have enough guilt for not helping her own flesh and blood before it became too late, now she has Jesus frowning at her as well?

These are the questions I will be pondering as I celebrate the life, and mourn the loss of my cousin, while sitting in the chapel of a funeral home tomorrow. May he now find the strength and love he was unable to accept in this life.

The Sleep Wars, part 4

We were on a roll. We had a routine that, although not ideal, was working and we were all sleeping.

DAMN YOU, TWO YEAR MOLARS!!!

AJ fell asleep at 9, woke up at 9:30 screaming. She was screaming for her blanket (which was on her), screaming for her doggie (which she was laying on), screaming for her milk (which she was holding). Just plain screaming, then she fell asleep again. Restless, whimpering sleep when she is sleeping, screaming when she's not. Oh what fun.

Now for coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. I'm sorry baby Cori for any jolt you may get from my caffine consumption today, but it's the only way to make it through work. So tired, I was already half out of the house when M reminded me putting shoes on would be a good idea. Days like this make me happy I don't have a really important job.

HDBD

How Far Along: 23w

Total Weight Gain: I don't weigh myself between appointments. It's way too scary.

Maternity Clothes: I need to go shopping. Thankfully the change in weather is on it's way, and I realized I only have one pair of jeans and one long sleeve top. Not quite enough to get me through December.

Sleep: M is jealous that my body pillow is getting more action than he is.

Cravings or Aversions: Nothing really

Best Moment This Week: M and my get away

Movement: I think M is teaching her karate moves while I sleep, because that girl can kick my bladder like a ninja

Gender: Girl.

Labor Signs: Please no.

Belly Button in or out: In, but at night, it's the wierd mix. I'm hoping to not have the turkey timer this time around either.

What I miss: Nothing at the moment

What I'm Looking Forward to: Another OB appointment Monday. I get to ask some questions I've thought of based on my want to go natural in the highest c-section rate hospital in the state

Weekly Wisdom: I'm not feeling very wise this week

Milestones: I snissed this morning for the first time ever. Gah!

What the baby is up to:
At 23 weeks, baby’s really getting ready for her big debut, listening in on what’s going on in the outside world. And you’re getting ready too. Just remember: While having the nursery painted and stocking it with diapers is important, there are some other pressing things you should have on your radar. Namely, financials. Around week 23 is a good time to call your and your partner’s insurance agent to check how you’re currently covered and decide what adjustments you’ll want to make for baby. You might also want to start thinking about writing a will, if you don’t have one, or updating your current one. How’s baby’s savings account going? If you’re like, “what savings account?” that’s okay. But decide whether or not you want to start one for her. One study found that kids who have their own savings account are more likely to go to college, and another one estimated the average cost of raising a baby until age 18 to be over $226,000. Whoa!

   

your baby's the size of a papaya!

At about 10.5 to 11.8 inches and about 12.7 to 20.8 ounces, baby's not just getting bigger, she's getting even cuter.

   

your baby at 23 weeks

• She's forming little nipples (yeah, really!)
• Her face is fully formed now -- she just needs a little extra fat to fill it out.
• She's listening to your voice and your heartbeat -- and even to loud sounds like cars honking and dogs barking.

August 17, 2011

Driving home from work today I realized, I completely forgot about the due date of the baby we lost. If that pregnancy would have lasted, and the baby came on that date, I would have a one-week old today. It's odd to think about. That baby and loss are in my mind often, but honestly, I never think of when that baby "should have been born". I then feel guilt for not being over emotional on the day that baby would have been due, especially when I hear about others dealing with the grief of the EDD that wasn't.

Right after the loss, I figured that date would be etched in my mind. I thought I would spend the next nine months re-living what would have been. Maybe it's because I got pregnant so quickly after, that the "what if" feeling didn't last that long? Maybe, but I'm not so sure.

After the loss, since it was complete at home, I felt that the baby was "born" on that date, January 7, 2011. It helped me to heal to think that the baby we never got to know, and I wasn't able to help grow, was born on the date he should have been. I have also come to think that the baby was in fact a "he". That was our son, I'm almost sure of it, if intuition has anything to say about it. If it wasn't, oh well, it helps me to think of it that way. He was born on the 7th of the month, just like AJ, my nephew, and niece.

I guess I think of the EDD as arbitrary (for me, in no way to others), as AJ's EDD. I don't think that "had AJ been born on her EDD, she'd be five days older than she is". I celebrate the date she was actually born. So, if this is my thought process, August 17, 2011 was not as big of a deal as I thought it was going to be, but I'm pretty sure January 7, 2012 will be much more difficult for me.

Baby-moon

Gah! I hate that term. I guess that's what it was though.

Friday, M surprises me by telling me he made arrangements for my mother to watch AJ Saturday and Sunday, and he booked a hotel for us, so we're getting away. He wasn't going to tell me until Saturday, but thankfully my mother stepped in, and reminded him (again) how I hate surprises. It was a very thoughtful gesture though.

So, Saturday morning we packed up and headed up to the mountains. We did some shopping at the outlets, which are fantastic. I picked up some needed clothes for the new baby, a fleece one piece, 3 pairs of socks and a pair of pants for $15. Yay! M found a new pair of Adidas running sneakers, final price $15! Woot! Unfortunately I couldn't find anything either AJ or I really needed, so we were out of luck in the shopping department.

After the outlets, and dodging the downpours that spouted up from no where (it was still sunny, but pouring), we headed down the long road to the hotel to see if we could find anything interesting on the ride. Since we had only had breakfast and it was now 3PM, we decided an early dinner would be a good plan. We came across a wood grille restaurant and it was fantastic. We had fantastic dinners, M enjoyed a local brew and we both scorched our mouths on the dessert that was heated up in that wood grill. Ouch!

Check in at the hotel didn't go as amazingly. Apparently hotels.com never forwarded the info for our reservation, and the resort stopped taking reservations 4 days earlier. Thankfully the lady said we could upgrade to a penthouse free of charge. So, we head up the mountain to the room. And up the mountain it is. What an amazing view though

We noticed the room only had 10 channels, and decided to head back to town to find something do to for the night. What can two parents without kids do to spend an evening? Mini-golf of course. It was a blast. We threw out the score card before the first hole, and just had fun. After, we went back to the resort and checked things out, they were doing karaoke near the main clubhouse, and that was painfully bad. I still have Beiber stuck in my head, and being attempted by a scared 10 year old made it that much worse. The game room had pool, so we tried our luck with that. Turns out pool is not my game. Although I still believe I should get super genius points for actually trying to play correctly and not getting a single ball in any hole for 20 minutes. It should be like that jump a peg game and extra points given for leaving so many pegs without a move to be made. Eh, someday I'll find a game I'm not horrible at.

A dip in the pool, then back to the room for TV and bed. It was a long day.

Of course, I'm in a quiet room, AC cranked, no kid and I wake up at 5:30AM. Ugh! At least I had a good sunrise to watch

I wake M up at 6:30, because I'm bored, it's cold out on the deck in just shorts and a tank top, (didn't expect to need warmer clothing). Well, we get ready for the day, I go to the slider to lock up the deck and see this

We looked for the Mama, but she must have crossed before we were looking. It was really amazing to see this. We checked out of the hotel, and went to breakfast before our planned hike in the woods.

I've been up in the mountains a lot in my life, but not for hiking very often. Mainly it's just for shopping. I was determined to get my round self into the beautiful area we were in and enjoy it, without a wallet.

We found some easy trails and walked a good 4-5 miles,

watched some rock climbers

and just enjoyed the morning.

Such a great weekend away.

Banana muffins

Sunday we had an ice cream party for AJ's birthday. In our bar of toppings, we had bananas. I purchased a bunch of six. One sad little banana was used at the party. As M and I hate bananas plain, we tried to pawn the remaining off on AJ. She had one, and that was plenty for her unfortunately. So as the week wore on, I had to stare at those bananas getting more brown by the hour and knew that baking would be done on my day off.

In my plan of baking I realize a huge error on my part, I have almost a cup of sugar and absolutely no butter in the house. Hmmm, well, that makes things interesting.

When my obvious recipes fail me, I go to allrecipes.com. There's always someone else there who had to alter a recipe to work with their ingredients or taste preferances. Thankfully, I found something I could work with. Sarah's Banana Bread Muffins

For the changes, I put in all four bananas, because, really, what am I going to do with one overripe banana? Also, has anyone eating a banana baked good ever complained that it was too banana-y? I'm getting a little tired of typing banana, and I have Gwen Stefani sining in my head now.

Ok, so all the fruit is in, since there is extra, I switch one cup of AP flour for whole wheat. Now it's a healthy baked good, which makes it better when I eat more. I also added some cinnamon. I like baking with cinamon, it makes me happy, and feels like fall, even when the house is 85 degrees.

The ones hot out of the oven tasted great. All soft muffin-y. This morning I had one straight off the counter, without heating, and it was a bit dry for my liking. Maybe it was the whole wheat flour, or maybe it was just telling me next time to buy more butter for smearing.

Hump Day Bump Day

How Far Along: 22w

Total Weight Gain: I don't weigh myself between appointments. It's way too scary.

Maternity Clothes: Yep

Sleep: Okay, it's starting to get a bit uncomfortable though.

Cravings or Aversions: Nothing really

Best Moment This Week: The constant movement, and finaly feeling comfortable calling her by name occasionally.

Movement: Yep, she's a mover, and on my bladder. Fun times.

Gender: Girl.

Labor Signs: Please no.

Belly Button in or out: In, but at night, it's the wierd mix. I'm hoping to not have the turkey timer this time around either.

What I miss: Nothing at the moment

What I'm Looking Forward to: I'm in the happy time right now, not too uncomfortable yet, not sick anymore. It's all good.

Weekly Wisdom: "Only people whom you trust completely, who approve of your birth plan and who you don't mind seeing you nake should be present at the birth." - Your Best Birth
I'm leaving this one for now. I'm still trying to figure this part out.

Milestones: Ummm

What the baby is up to:
During week 22, baby is invading your space, which is why it might be tough to catch your breath and why your back might be killing you. Hey, as she grows, she may be expanding your belly so much (so fast) that you might have some stretch marks -- and you might even have a newfound “outtie”! What's not so cool is that the stretch marks may never fade, but we promise they'll fade in color after delivery. And your outtie will go back to an innie, we promise. As for sex, all these body changes, along with another fun one -- discharge! -- might be messing with your mojo, but some moms-to-be actually find they have an increase in libido around 22 weeks. That's because your hormones are pretty much raging at this point. This is also a good time to schedule a maternity portrait session. You'll want to aim for the third trimester -- but not so late that you risk going into labor before your appointment.

your baby's the size of a papaya!
During month five, the average fetus measures about 10.5 to 11.8 inches and weighs about 12.7 to 20.8 ounces.

your baby at 22 weeks
Now that he's got more developed eyes and lips, he's looking even more like a newborn.
He's sleeping in cycles -- about 12 to 14 hours per day (hint: they're probably those times you're not feeling any kicks!).

Cake Challenge

So, a few weeks ago I saw the Rainbow cake on Pinterest. It looked so cool, I knew I wanted to try it for AJ's birthday. Never mind that she doesn't really like cake. I just wanted to challenge myself. So, I took this:

And by the time I was finished with it, it looked like this:

The inside looked fantastic. It was a show stopper for all the guests, which was the whole point really. The kids loved all the colors and were fighting over which "flavor" was their favorite. Apparently blue tastes much better than orange. The adults were impressed and even commented about how I got the rainbow in order. Well of course, why bother if not to get the rainbow in order?

Now for the issues:

The cake batter was really easy to make. I divided the batter by spoonfuls rather than weight since I don't have a food scale. The coloring was fun, I finally broke out my cake decorating tackle box for the first time in a while.

The first issue came when trying to get the cake out of the pans. I didn't follow the directions in that I didn't have parchment paper to line the pan, just shortening and flour. The orange came out great, the green and yellow tore when trying to get them out. Second batch, I over prepped the pans, so the blue and purple came out easy, just needed to scrape the flour paste off the bottom. The red still stuck. Oh well, that's what frosting is for.

Now on to the frosting: I tried Martha's frosting listed in the recipe, a merenge buttercream. The first batch broke. The butter turned all grainy. I think the eggs were still too warm when the butter was added. I tried a second batch. This one looked fantastic, so this is where my mother (my assistant for the day), and I, took a break for lunch.

Sidenote: We found the most amazing Greek restaurant in my town. I want to get M there, since he has actually eaten real Greek food, you know, like from Greece, so he can be a judge.

Anywho... we get back and the fantastic looking batch of frosting is now soup. ARGH! Ok. Two batches gone, 14 eggs gone. Martha is no longer my hero. Time to try something else. We go back to a regular buttercream, tried and true. It's much sweeter than I had hoped for, but it worked.

The cake looked great when we were done. We did a texture design and it looked like a fluffy snowball. Super cute. Well, Sunday, party day, was about as humid as it can get without actually raining. I check the amazing cake, and half the frosting is sliding off the side. Fantabulous! Move it to the basement, since the fridge is full of party stuff, and hope for the best. I am so thankful for the texture technique, as it's so easy to fix.

In the end, the cake was a success. Thankfully the awesomness of the cake overrode the sweetness of the frosting.

Today's Challenge

Wish me luck!

Hump Day Bump Day

How Far Along: 21w

Total Weight Gain: I don't weigh myself between appointments. It's way too scary.

Maternity Clothes: Yep

Sleep: Okay, it's starting to get a bit uncomfortable though. 

Cravings or Aversions: Nothing really

Best Moment This Week: Learning new things about labor and delivery, and discussing the option of using a doula this time around.

Movement: Yep, she's a mover.

Gender: Girl.

Labor Signs: Please no.

Belly Button in or out: In, but at night, it's the wierd mix. I'm hoping to not have the turkey timer this time around either.

What I miss: Not getting my belly filthy when trying to bake

What I'm Looking Forward to: AJ's birthday party this weekend

Weekly Wisdom: "Only people whom you trust completely, who approve of your birth plan and who you don't mind seeing you nake should be present at the birth." - Your Best Birth

Milestones: Ummm

What the baby is up to:

your baby's the size of a banana!

At 10.5 inches and about 12.2 ounces, she's big enough now that you've probably been feeling her movements.

your baby at 21 weeks

• As her digestive system preps for the outside world, she's manufacturing meconium -- the tarry black substance you'll find in her first dirty diaper (ew)!
• If it's a girl, she's already got a lifetime's supply of eggs in her womb -- about six million of them!

Zucchini zucchini everywhere

It's that time of year, and although I only planted one, we still have managed to obtain a few of those greeen squash from well meaning family and friend farmers. Which means, I have to find something to do with all these things before they go bad. The real kicker, we aren't a vegetable house. Unless it's salad, we don't eat much for veggies. M and AJ love peas, and I'll eat cooked green beans, but that's it for cooked veggies. Hmmm, dilema dilema

So, how to solve this problem? BAKE!

Zucchini Brownies
from allrecipes
Ingredients

• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 1 1/2 cups white sugar
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 cups shredded zucchini
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts
• 6 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1/4 cup margarine
• 2 cups confectioners' sugar
• 1/4 cup milk
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour a 9x13 inch baking pan.
2. In a large bowl, mix together the oil, sugar and 2 teaspoons vanilla until well blended. Combine the flour, 1/2 cup cocoa, baking soda and salt; stir into the sugar mixture. Fold in the zucchini and walnuts. Spread evenly into the prepared pan.
3. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes in the preheated oven, until brownies spring back when gently touched. To make the frosting, melt together the 6 tablespoons of cocoa and margarine; set aside to cool. In a medium bowl, blend together the confectioners' sugar, milk and 1/2 teaspoon vanilla. Stir in the cocoa mixture. Spread over cooled brownies before cutting into squares.

I skipped the frosting. I didn't drain the zucchini, or add nuts and it came out very moist and cake like. Quite tasty

Chocolate Chip Zucchini Bread
from Paula Deen

Ingredients

• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 3 eggs
• 2 cups white sugar
• 1 cup vegetable oil
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 2 cups grated zucchini
• 1 cup chopped pecans
• 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
• 1 tablespoon orange zest
• Whipped cream, for serving
• Zucchini ribbons, for serving

Directions

Preheat oven at 350 degrees F. Grease (2) 9 by 5-inch loaf pans.

Sift together flour, baking powder, salt, spices and baking soda.
In a large bowl, beat eggs until light and fluffy. Add sugar, and continue beating until well blended. Stir in oil, vanilla, zucchini, pecans, chocolate chips, and orange zest. Stir in sifted ingredients. Pour into prepared loaf pans.
Bake for 50 minutes, or until a skewer inserted in the middle comes out clean. Remove loaves from pans and cool. Chill before slicing.

I added walnuts because that's what I had on hand and skipped her suggestions for garnish and the orange zest since we didn't have any. I also used a full bag (12 oz) of chocolate chips. Why leave those sad 4 oz in the bag? A little extra chocolate has never been complained of in this house.

And because I felt bad about baking and not having anything relatively healthy

Oven Fried Zucchini Chips
from Cinnamon Spice & Everything Nice

Oven-Fried Parmesan Zucchini Chips

(adapted from Cooking Light)

1 cup seasoned breadcrumbs

1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, fresh grated

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon onion powder

1/8 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

1/3 cup milk

2 small zucchini cut in 1/4-inch-thick slices

Cooking spray or vegetable/olive oil

1. Preheat oven to 425° F. Grease a large oven-proof wire rack set on a baking sheet.

2. Whisk together bread crumbs, Parmesan, salt, onion powder and pepper in a medium bowl. Place milk in a separate shallow bowl. Dip zucchini slices in milk then in breadcrumb mixture patting the crumbs on. Place slices on wire rack. Repeat until all are coated.

3. Bake for 30 minutes or until golden brown. Serve immediately with basil dipping sauce if desired.
I made a dipping sauce based loosely on what I saw there, but didn't have many of the ingredients listed, so I just used sour cream, mayo and dried Italian Seasoning. Not amazing, but enough.

Happy Birthday!

AJ is 2. Where did my baby go?

The Sleep Wars, part 3

Sleep = 1, AJ = 0

I am shocked, amazed, dumfounded and just plain relieved. AJ fought sleep and sleep won! It took about a week, with the few setbacks in part 2. M still asks silly questions "Are we moving AJ to her bed or leaving her on the couch?" being a repeated one. I still can't figure out the reasoning behind that one, but at least he's asking so I can tell him NO!!!! We're not leaving her on the couch, we're putting her in her bed, in her room, alone.

We put her in her bed. She wakes up and cries. We talk to her until she calms down about how she needs to stay in her room and sleep, and we sleep in our room. She calms down. We walk out. She takes everything off her bed and piles it up by the gate. She beds down there and stays, quietly sleeping until 5-6AM (which, saidly is the same time she normally stays in bed).

Ahhh sweet relief.

The Sleep Wars, part 2

Night 2

Saturday night starts off much the same as Friday night. AJ falls alseep on the couch by 9 and is moved to her bed. Two hours later, she wakes.

It is a repeat of the night before. Thankfully though, this time without the horrid screams. Just normal, every day screaming, yelling and conniving to get out. Much the same pattern as the night before ensues. The only changes being this time I don't go in her room at all. The 5 minute interval is met with me telling her to go to sleep at the gate. This time also, instead of me even attempting my own bed, I just head straight for the couch.

It continues. 5, 7, 9, 11, 13 then 15 repeats. This time though, it only took 1 hour and 37 minutes for her to fall asleep, at the gate with Doggie and Blanket of course, but whatever, it's improvement. She does the usual slight wake up, call for me, and falls back to sleep after I tell her to.

At 5AM she's awake again. Stands at the gate "Mama, all done". Ugh! My cue to start the day. I get her out, she uses the potty, heads to the couch. While I'm getting her the asked for juice, she falls asleep. Sadly, I'm now awake for the day, while her and M sleep for another 2 hours. At least Sam and I got a good walk in that morning. (I did let M know I was leaving and it was up to him to listen for AJ).

Night 3

Fall asleep on couch, move to bed, awake and at the gate 2 hours later. Everything follows the same as Night 2. No horrible screaming, no real screaming at all, just the yelling and trying any word she can think of to be let out of her room. This time, it only took a total of 46 minutes for silence, and asleep at the gate. I begin to think that we may be on to something here. However, it's now Monday morning and M politely informs me that I look like a zombie. Thanks for that!

Night 4

Because of M's kind comment that morning, he generously offers to take Monday night so I can get some rest. I agree of course. AJ is half his kid, so the sleep issues are half his problem. Plus, he's been home the past three nights, he knows how the routine is going. Right? Um... well

I'm not sure exactly how the night goes. I know AJ wakes up after the requisite 2 hours of sleep in her bed. I know M gets in and out of bed a lot, but honestly I'm just too tired to care.

When the alarm sounds I realize M isn't in the room. I head to the living room and find him asleep on one side of the couch and AJ asleep on the other. I wake him up for work and ask how the night went. He said okay. That she was up every two hours. Interesting, since this hasn't been her routine for the past few nights. I then ask how he handled it. He informs me that he laid down on her floor until she fell asleep then went back to bed, and kept on doing that all night long. WTF!!! Where had he been during our conversation of "we're not going to sleep on her floor anymore". Was he even there when I spent the past three nights getting up every few minutes to get her back to calm down and hopefully fall asleep on her own, alone in her room? I try not to yell. I try not to get mad. But I have to ask why? Why would you ruin the past 3 nights of work? He replies "it got her to sleep and then I could go to sleep, so what's the issue?"

In the words of Charlie Brown AAARRRRGGGGHHHH

Night 5

I get home from work yesterday and find AJ is sleeping. It's 6PM and mother in law, who watches AJ on Tuesdays informs me that she fell asleep at 3:30 and she wasn't sure if she should wake her or if she might sleep through the night. What? You mean the kid who for the past 2 years has slept more than 9 hours consecutively so few times I could count them on one hand, you think she will sleep through the night? 3:30PM-6AM. Really? I wake the monster.

Anyway... AJ finally falls asleep around 9:30PM. Not too bad considering the late nap. At 10 I go to bed. M asks if he should move her to her bed or leave her on the couch. My only response is "why?"

2 hours later, she's awake, at the gate. I start off with my usual routine outside the gate, tell her to go to sleep, yadda yadda yadda. I take one step away from her room and the screaming begins. Oh thank you M for doing things differently the night before. Now she's back to thinking she can get her way. The whole cycle has started over. I've now stopped looking at the clock for intervals. I just lay on the couch, telling her to go to sleep whenever she stops yelling long enough to take a breath, and when she seems like she needs it, go to the gate so she can see that I am really there, do care, but will not give in. It wasn't as bad as Night 1, but it wasn't good either.

I guess I'll be on sleep duty from now on. I wonder if M planned it that way?

The Sleep Wars, Part 1

Night 1.

The battle between AJ, sleep and me continues. Friday I decided I had enough. No more would I sleep on AJ's floor. The belly is too big to sleep comfortably on a soft surface, so the floor is no more. Plus, there is no good reason why I should be there anymore anyway. She is fine, not sick, not teething, has had plenty of time to get used to the transition from crib to bed. It's not justifiable anymore. So, Friday...yeah

M or I, I have no idea who actually started the night off, but through one of us, AJ ended up in her bed after falling asleep on the couch. This is the usual way of things in our house, bad habit I know, but it's what has worked for 2 years, so don't fix what ain't broke, as they say.

Like clockwork, 2 hours later, around 11:30PM, AJ wakes up. She calls for Mama and heads to the baby gate that is locked at her doorway. She begins to yell for me. I get up and get AJ back to her bed. Tell her this is her room and I'm going to sleep in my room. She is adament that I should be sleeping right at the side of her bed, but I hold strong. Not this time honey.

After calming her down, I tell her I'm going back to my room. She is quiet until my head hits my pillow (how do they know that exact moment?). Calling for me again, running to the locked gate again. I get up again. This time, I don't go into her room, but stay on my side of the gate. Tell her to go to sleep, and when she stops crying I walk away and back to bed. I tell M I'm giving her 5 minutes to fight and I'll go back. So, after 5 minutes of her screaming her fool head off, I go back to my side of the gate. Repeat directions "go to sleep. You sleep here, I sleep in my room" and after the "I love you, good night", I head back to bed, telling H 7 minutes this time.

So now we're on 7 minutes of screaming. This isn't the regular I'm annoyed type scream. Oh no, not AJ, she goes full out "someone just ripped off my leg and is beating me with it" type of scream. At one point I asked M when he thought the blue lights would appear out our front door (the windows were open and since we can hear the pet bird in the apartment complex across the intersection from us, which means we have 3 neighbors even closer, they can definitely hear the screams).

After watching the clock tick by 7 minutes, I go back to the gate and repeat above procedure. Then go back to bed for another round. 9 minutes this time. Yep, same scream, same thoughts through our head. We move to 11 minutes. Instead of going back to bed I ask M if he can sleep through the fight. Of course being the man that he is, he informs me he can. Ugh! So I close the bedroom door and head to the couch, at least one of us will be rested the next day.

So where was I, oh yeah, 11 minutes and me on the couch. Finally the horrid screaming has stopped, but the fight continues.

13 minutes, then 15 minutes. Now instead of just screaming, she has gotten trickey. She starts with Mama, repeat a good 10 times. Then moves to Daddy, repeat 10 times. When niether of those requests are met with the adequate answer, i.e. something other than me telling her to go to sleep, she changes tactics. Juice, repeat 10 times. Hmm, that didn't work, how about Milk, repeat of course. Nope. Challenging, but not to be deterred, ah, now she knows, Potty, repeat. She was less than impressed when this was met with me calling back to her, you're in a diaper, no need for the potty. Foiled again.

After asking for things didn't work, and we're on the first of the 15 minute intervals she goes for obvious with "Mama, I stuck. Open it." in a very calm voice.

After the second 15 minute interval goes by and she still isn't getting what she wants, she starts another approach. It's known in our house that AJ will not sleep without Doggie (a pillow pet) and Blanket (a blanket my mother made for her before she was born). These are a given, and no matter the heat level in the house, she WILL NOT sleep without these items. So what does my little stubborn princess do? Why, throw Doggie and Blanket over the gate of course. Now she feels I need to either get them for her or let her out so she can get them herself. Ah, she's a smart cookie that's for sure.

Finally, 2 hours and 23 minutes later... silence. She has actually fallen asleep. During the night she wakes up enough to call for me, like she always did when I was sleeping on her floor, and since I was closeby in the living room still, I tell her to go back to sleep. She does!

When I walk past her room to the bathroom I see where she fell asleep. Right in front of the gate with Doggie and Blanket. It's so sad.

Hump Day Bump Day

How Far Along: 20w

Total Weight Gain: 1 POUND!!! I can't believe it. I was up 10 at this point with AJ. However, I am starting 10 pounds heavier than I did with AJ, so I guess it all evens out, but it was nice to hear that I've only gained 1. I still hold my breath every time I get on that office scale, because I know one day soon it's going to jump.

Maternity Clothes: Oh yeah. I've had to officially retire most all of my non-maternity shirts. I attempted another one, and although it fit fine in the morning, by mid day I was hiking it down all over again.

Sleep: Better. M bought a new body pillow for me. The one I used with AJ has been sitting in the closet since we moved and smells like old shoes. Not really what I want to cuddle with at night. 

Cravings or Aversions: Nothing really

Best Moment This Week: Seeing our little girly, gaining 1 pound, thinking of re-doing the bedroom from AJ's room to the girls' room, oh and figuring out what will probably be girly's name. Cordelia nn Cori, middle name yet to be finalized.

Movement: Yep, she's a mover.

Gender: Girl.

Labor Signs: Please no.

Belly Button in or out: In

What I miss: Nothing much right now.

What I'm Looking Forward to: Shopping for the few needed items for this little girl.

Weekly Wisdom: Two people with six brothers are going to see what sisters are like

Milestones: Half baked!

What the baby is up to:

your baby's the size of a cantaloupe!

Baby weighs about 10.2 ounces and measures about 6.5 inches. She's still got a lot of growing to do though. Can you believe you're halfway done?

your baby at 20 weeks

• She's got working taste buds.
• Now, she's gulping down several ounces of amniotic fluid each day -- that's significantly more than before.